We all like to have friends who believe as we do. It is something you can see everywhere. Christians hang out with Christians, Democrats socialize with Democrats, and homeschoolers enjoy spending time with other homeschoolers. We feel included and validated with these friends.
It is human nature. We all want to do the right thing. We consider our options carefully and make the wisest choices that we possibly can. We think our choices are right, and like the feeling of being with people who made the “right” choice too. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that everyone will agree with our decisions. Not even our own spouse. As much as I hate that reality, I’ve come to appreciate it.
Friends who disagree with me make me more realistic, allowing me to see my own blindspots. – No matter how hard we try, we are not always objective. Our choices need to be challenged. Sometimes it will confirm our decisions, and other times it will shake us to our core and cause us to make necessary changes. Either way it is worthwhile to think through the opposite point of view.
Friends who disagree force me to clarify my own opinions. – Explaining helps us to clarify our own point of view. What to you believe? Why? Explain it to a friend and discover what you really believe. It makes us think (okay, so at first it makes us defensive, but in the end, it makes us think) and that is a fantastic tool. Focusing on our own priorities isn’t something that we usually have the ability to do, but when a friend challenges us we are pushed into a moment of self-reflection, and that is good for us.
Friends who disagree with me help me to avoid laziness and complacency. – It is nice to feel comfortable, but that comfort comes at a price; complacency. Seeing my choices through the eyes of other people helps me to grow and develop. It gives me the opportunity to work through things (things that I might otherwise choose to ignore) and become a better parent, teacher, and person.
Now, to be clear, I’m not a martyr. I don’t actively search out disagreeable people. On the other hand, I don’t intentionally isolate myself with only people who live life by my on choices. Life happens sequentially, with one moment falling after another, moments tumbling willy-nilly together. Friend help us to become who we are.
When was the last time you truly explored your own thoughts? Maybe it is time to visit with a friend who challenges you.
Do friends who disagree really deserve the title of “friend”?
I appreciate a friend who has the guts to challenge me. It helps me grow as a human being. I wonder why people are so afraid to challenge their friends. We’re friends, right?
You’re right. It takes a real friend to make the effort to tell you they don’t agree with you. It’s much easier to just agree.
I don’t mind someone disagreeing with me. Someone who challenges my thinking is not a threat. As long as they are respectful.
But I hate it when someone disagrees Just to be disagreeable. You know?
It’s a habit for some.